This week has been really hard for me. It wasn’t just one thing, but a compilation
of a lot of things. I haven’t really
felt like “myself” all week. It’s been a
week where I spent a lot more time in tears than smiling. I’ll share a little of what has happened this
week and then tell you some of the conclusions that I’ve come to about life.
On Tuesday, I received word that our dear friend, Karen,
died. I knew her struggle with breast
cancer had made a turn for the worse after her husband’s last update. My heart was broken – for her husband and her
three boys. We had the privilege of
knowing Karen and her family as her youngest and Adam was in the same preschool
class as infants at Due West UMC. They
were in the same class a couple more times over the years and we always kept in
touch with their family. Even though we
didn’t see each other a lot, we almost always caught up at Breakfast with Santa
each year.
I’ll be honest – I’ve followed most of Karen’s journey from
afar. We took meals to them a few times
and delivered care packages to them. But
most of the journey we watched from afar.
I really thought I could hold it together for her Celebration of Life
service, but not so much. It’s been a
long time since I’ve cried that much.
When we walked in and had an opportunity to speak with Kirk, the tears
started and I just couldn’t control them afterwards.
Our church was mostly full for the service. Karen was loved by so many and as one of her
friends stated on Saturday, Karen always made you feel like you were the most
important person in the room. She had
this way of always making you feel important, loved and cared about. It was evident that many people felt the same
way about her. I only hope that one day,
someone can say ¼ of the things about me that were said about Karen on
Saturday. I’m so glad she is at peace
now and no longer suffering, but I’m still sad for her family that is left
behind.
I want to be the type of friend that Karen was to so
many. It is something I will aspire to
be. Over the past few years, I haven’t
worked to maintain some of the friendships that I should have. I’ve let “life” get in the way too many
times lately. One of the things I walked
away with on Saturday was that it was time for me to do a better job and reach
out to some of my friends who may be separated by distance.
The other thing that I’ve really struggled with this week is
setting boundaries for me. I don’t mean “boundaries”
in the typical sense of the word.
However, I’ve found myself lately putting more of myself out over and
over for people to the point where I’m letting them take advantage of me. I find myself doing this a lot at work. My response lately has been “I’ll take care
of it”. On the small scale, this isn’t
an issue. However, when it causes me to
be working 14 hours days, it is an issue.
This isn’t only an issue at work, but I find it in social
settings and with some of my friends. I
continue to put myself out for people, and don’t always receive that same kind
of support in return. I struggle over
whether it is being a good friend/co-worker/etc., and whether it is being taken
advantage of. I know it is a delicate
balance. I guess the deciding factor is
when it consumes too much of your thoughts and time. I have always been the type of person to go
to the extreme for those I care about, but lately I’m beginning to wonder if I
do this to a fault.
I saw this posted on Facebook earlier and I couldn’t help
but wonder if it was speaking to me: “When
you realize that you’re constantly treating a person a lot better than they
treat you, it’s time to make a change”. I think it is time to change a lot of things
so I can be at peace and be happy with who I am. I’ve written previously that I’m still trying
to figure out who I am – but I think a large part of this journey is being
content with the decisions that I make.
So as I start a new week, I am going to work to be a better
friend to those I haven’t worked to maintain those relationships with. However, I’m also going to work to set
boundaries on myself and my time. I will
always work to be the best co-worker/friend/mother/spouse/daughter that I can
be, but I am beginning to realize that it can only be done when you know in
your mind where the “stopping point” is. Here’s to another week filled with
learning…..
