Sunday, May 5, 2013

A Journey to 40.....Who Am I?

I have been thinking about writing more on my blog for a while.  I guess the "push" I needed happened in our staff meeting on Friday.  A good friend of mine and colleague, Angela, did a session for us on The Happiness Project.  Angela left me a copy of the book.  I haven't started it yet, but I will soon.    

One of the first things Angela talked about was interviewing yourself.  It really got me to thinking about "Who Am I?"  Some of it is easy, I'm the daughter of Tex and Regina.  I'm the wife of Ken and the mommy to Adam and Andrew.  I work at Kennesaw State University.  I volunteer at Due West United Methodist Church where we are active members.  I volunteer at Frey Elementary School.  I love watching Alabama football and drink a Coke every morning.  Ok - so those are some of the things about me, but they don't really define me.  They are part of what make me who I am, but I think there is much more.

I'm a people-pleaser.  I have been since I was a child.  I always wanted teachers to like me.  I wanted to make my parents proud.  I always wanted people to like me.  I would do anything for my friends, even when those same friends wouldn't do the same for me.  And in many ways, that has carried through into my adulthood.  I think in many ways, girls are raised this way or maybe it is just part of our genetic make-up.  But it many ways it can also be a detriment.  I have always tried so hard to please everyone else that in many ways I just take on what ever they do.  For example, liking the same food as someone else, liking the same music, etc.  If you like all the same things, everyone is happy right?  Well maybe not.

So, it was pretty hard for me to interview myself.  I've always known this was an issue for me, because in social settings I rarely like to make a decision.  I can make one professionally with no issues.  But ask me where to go to lunch, and most often my answer is "I don't care".  Ask me what I'd like to do with my free time, and most often my answer is "it doesn't matter".  Ask me what kind of drink I want when I'm out with friends and a lot of times you'll hear me say "what are you drinking?"

A part of my journey is trying to determine who I am.  First and foremost, I know I am a child of God.  Am I perfect?  Not by a long shot.  Do I disappoint Him?  Of course I do.  Can I ask for forgiveness?  Absolutely.

I have a fantastic family - husband, children, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.  I also have a very few close friends that we call our chosen family.  We're closer to them than we are some of our extended family.

After those two categories are covered, I start to struggle a bit more with identifying who I am.  And maybe more importantly, who I want to be.  I have a feeling the next few months will be a journey and I'm looking forward to what I can discover and change about myself as I approach a new "first number" of my age.  


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